Dr. Mom

Symptoms:

• bossy, slightly indignant 3 1/2 year old tells her mother in loud voice to "come ON", in attempt to get mother to pick up her sweatshirt and leave already from school
• has minor tantrum on way to car when mother tells her she can have glitter-encrusted shamrock back when we get home, and that no, she may not hold it in the brand new car
• has major tantrum when said adult takes previously mentioned shamrock from her at brand new car
• won't get into car without high-pitched screaming fit
• inspires younger sibling to join in the noise; extremely loud crying from both children ensues on way home; mother becomes certain she will be sent into labor by own previously-born children
• eldest daughter refuses to get out of car once home, despite promises that she can go straight to bed if she would prefer to disobey
• mother finally removes children from car, begins making lunch amidst crying children who stand in way and impede progress
• youngest daughter finally calms down when given milk; oldest daughter continues to cry for her father
• after approximately 2 bites of sandwich, eldest daughter refuses to eat another morsel of food; mother sends her to bed
• all is quiet within 45 seconds

Diagnosis:

• numerous nights of "sleepovers" during which the children play, giggle and talk until approximately 9pm, followed by morning awakenings of 7am and minimal naps, have caused this phenomenon to occur

Prescription:

• immediate naps for all children, and mother (if she can stop nesting long enough to rest)
• glass of wine for mother, with potential for reisling-flavored sippy cup drinks for children if chaos does not dissipate*

*CPS: totally kidding on the alcoholic drinks for children. Hey, you never know who might be waiting to come take your children away.