Monday, June 18, 2007

I'm So Very Glad

For those of you who are married but miss the dating scene, read on. I haven't missed 'dating' in ages, and this story from one of my single friends in Seattle made me remember just how lucky I am.

"So I finally decided to enter back into the dating scene. On my trip home from
Miami I met a guy in the airport. He seemed pretty nice and interesting so I
talked with him at the gate while waiting for our plane. Since I was super sick
after a super-hip-hop-tropical virus my judgment may have been impaired. I ended
up even sicker by the time we landed but continued to talk to this gentleman. We
spoke about different places to eat in town and he asked me if I’d like to go
out to dinner while he was in Seattle. He seemed pretty cool. He is a wildlife
vet in the south; he is from Canada and lived in Seattle for a while…..He had a
pregnant deaf dolphin he was caring for so I figured how bad could he be.

After some reconfiguring on my end we decided on doing something on Friday night. I met him at a small little arty bar on Pill Hill. We met for a drink and he was pretty nice. We had a pretty good conversation and decided to go for dinner. He had selected an Italian restaurant, although not knowing what we were going to do for sure he did not make reservations. I vetoed the suggestion of “chicken-feet” and an ID Chinese place.

I drive us a little ways away to the joint of choice. On the way he is very generous and offers to carry me later should I need assistance for my ankle. Given that I am
in a skirt, I decline. He mentions that most of his good stories end with a girl “hiking up her skirt and crawling on him”. This is the first of many indicators of the rest of the evening. He puts our name on the list for the VERY CROWDED restaurant and orders a bottle of wine at the bar. Since I drink more wine than he does he suggests I select the wine. I ask a couple of questions to the waitress and then he proceeds to order the bottle for us. So much for me ordering the wine.

Since we have some time to kill before our table is ready we begin our chatting. He finds out that like himself, I am also a Taurus and he mentions that we should have a stubborn-contest; I am not immediately stimulated by this idea. He also mentions that I should know that he doesn't believe in compromise. There are several other uncomfortable and awkward stories that he tells about his “kooky” personality, how he likes kids, wants to travel the world with his family, teach them several languages etc. He also mentions that the lucky woman that will land his future attentions needs to have an understanding to his desire to do what he wants. Not super impressed at this point. He is getting more obnoxious and self-centered as the evening goes on.
Still not really asking much about me.

We finally get seated at our table and begin to order dinner. He asks if I would like an appetizer and I decline so he orders two. Humm, why ask my opinion if you are going to do what you want anyway. Appetizers come and he suggests we share. I don’t really want either, but I take a small bit of the beef. I am having difficulties cutting it so he whips out his pocketknife and proceeds to cut if for me. He then leaves the large pocketknife on the table. He gleefully suggests that we eat with our
hands. When I protest and use my fork, he takes his butter knife and throws it
out the open window next to my head. Dinner comes and we proceed to dine. During
the chow, I say something particularly cute and charming so he leans across the
table for a kiss. I try to feign politeness but my body jerks back. He also
tries to hold my hand, which I pull away. He is now offended that I have not
fallen for his amorous ways and proceeds to make sort of a big deal about it,
discussing it, reviewing it and telling me he was “in the moment with my beauty
and didn’t realize that anyone else was around”. I somehow manage to keep my dinner down and try to politely downplay the situation. More awkwardness abounds has he debates if I am complex or interesting or stimulating. He then throws his fork out the window. He encourages me to throw my serve-wear out the window and I decline. Finally the check comes. He tells me that since he paid for the wine that I can get dinner, but he guesses if I want that we could split it or he guesses if he has
to he can pay. He still has the pocketknife on the table. So he asked me out,
selected the place, ordered all sorts of stuff that I didn’t want and then asked
me to pay. I end up paying to hope the pain will end soon and I can go home.

He asks if we can get coffee, despite my pleas to go home because I don’t like coffee, am super tired, and not feeling well. He insists we go for coffee across the street. Not sure why I am being so nice and obliging, but I go. We have coffee across the street; he drinks and I listen to more stuff about him. He then throws his spoon into the street. What is up with throwing silverware??? We get into a conversation about Mexico and the importance of the mother there. He disagrees with me for around 10 minutes; I finally change the subject and he manages to bring it up again a few minutes later telling me how wrong I am. I change the subject again and he manages to return to topic once again to tell me about his travels in Central America and how I am wrong and he is right. Finally I have it and I snap! I yell into the air “Mother of God, please make it stop”. He stops mid-sentence and asks if I would like to go home. I say “Yes, Please!” I drive him back to his truck; I’m not sure why I am being so nice - I should make him walk. I get a handshake and he retrieves something out of my backseat. I pull my purse to the front seat, since I am planning on calling one of my girlfriends and telling her about this horrible catastrophe.
He then says he can’t believe I think he is going to steal my purse. What??? I
tell him I need to get something out of my purse and he says he seriously can’t
believe I think he would try to steal my purse. He closes the door; I immediately lock it and speed away from one of the worst dates of my life!"


Katie said...

oh my god! That is like a Ben Stiller movie or something. What a FREAK. The silverware throwing was just too funny.

Andrea & Ben said...

HAHAHA!!! I am laughing with her, I swear! I never did the whole dating thing, and can say I am glad I married when I was young :0) The guys just get freakier the older we get.

Julie said...

OMG!!!! I have tears rolling out of my eyes, I'm lauging so hard. And to think....I have to get back out there sometime!

What was with the silverware thing? I thought for sure he was going to go get it when they left the restaurant and take it home or something.

Julie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Elizabeth said...

No words for that.