How to Lose a Babysitter in 3 Hours

First, make certain that your oldest child has been sporting a fever throughout the afternoon. Give her some Tylenol in hopes that she'll be able to go to bed early and fight off whatever is bugging her. Put the newborn to bed in his crib and smile as he sleeps peacefully. (Sort of facetiously) tell the babysitter that this will either be the easiest night of babysitting ever, or the hardest, if the oldest child were to, you know, get sick or something silly like that. Leave the babysitter upstairs playing with the middle child, and drive to the airport while listening to Pink's new CD.

Once you arrive at the airport and are trying to find the right garage to park in (why are there so MANY of them?), receive a call from the babysitter, who sounds frantic. Listen to her as she says, "Oh my God, Kate just puked everywhere!" Start to fret as you hear the newborn screaming his little lungs out in the background, and wonder to yourself how a 15-year-old is going to handle this situation, when you as a 30-something experienced mother would be extremely stressed out and borderline hysterical. Tell the sitter you will call her back in a few minutes, and pull into a parking spot that you hope is somewhere close to the correct terminal. Shove all the quarters in your possession into the meter, thinking that surely 75 minutes will be long enough to get to the terminal and pick up your 13-year-old niece.

Start walking and dialing, trying to reach your two neighbors on a Saturday night to see if they are available to help. Leave messages when no one answers. Call the babysitter back and hear her telling Kate to run! Find out that Kate is in the processing of vomiting for the third time. Hear the baby continue to cry and try to explain to the sitter that you can't head back home yet because you have to pick up a family member who is flying for the first time, and that her plane is late. Sit at the terminal biting your fingernails, hoping that all is okay at home. Receive a call from one neighbor, who is able to go over and take the baby home with her. Receive another call from the other neighbor who goes over to see if there is anything she can do to help. Talk to the sitter and find out that she has called her older sister who is on the way over.

Stop pacing when you see your niece get off the plane, and tell her that we need to speed walk because there is no time left on the meter and there is chaos at home. Arrive back at the car with one minute remaining on the meter, and start driving. Receive a call from the neighbor who has the baby and find out that Kate is quite sick and lethargic. Try not to stress out more.

Arrive home approximately 35 minutes later to a quiet house. Pay the babysitter almost double what you would normally pay her in hopes that she will actually return your call again some day. Quickly check on Kate and find out that she is super hot. Re-wet the washcloth for her forehead and leave to go get the baby. Spend all night worrying about how high the fever really is, since you can't get an accurate read on the thermometer without removing the washcloth that actually seems to be doing some good. Finally bring the sick child back to bed with you at 5am so you can keep an (asleep) eye on her, and breathe a sigh of relief when her fever finally breaks around 6:30am. Spend the rest of the day utterly exhausted, and finally shower and dress at about 4pm.

Kate seems to be fine now, thank God. She alternated between having a surprising amount of energy and wanting to sleep, and is now resting well. I'm hoping for the best tonight.

P.S. Happy 40th Birthday, Tim! We miss you and love you and hope you at least got to have a near-beer with someone you know over there. I celebrated with a bottle glass of wine.